Change = End?

My TCK-friends on Facebook have been sharing a blog link called  'third culture kid': what to do with change (not the money kind). I naturally had to check it out and it moved me to write my own thoughts.

"Nothing from the old world could enter into the new one. That's how it's always been. I felt there couldn't possibly be enough love, enough friendship in any of us to bridge the gaps, to build back towards each other after graduation and marriage and so much change."

And why should we try and bridge towards each other? What do we have left in common? Our lives are taking different directions so what could we have to talk about? I have killed many friendships thanks to this reasoning. I could no longer see how the relationship could continue in the way it has before so therefore I need to finish this relationship because, in my mind, I could never see how it could develop to something different. As a TCK, I have a tendency of glorifying the past, as that is how I want to remember it. To keep the memory of the friendship and not change it. 

This is what I couldn't fathom. That to keep the friendship it was up to the both of us to find a NEW way to continue a friendship. That change doesn't only mean new friendships, it also means new old friendships. And it is hard. 

" Because change is hard on souls and because I'd rather not admit all that space and time and life that's built a chasm in between us...and I'd rather not do the work of bridging it all. There's isn't time to anyway. The visit ends quickly and we slip back into our lives as if we'd never been friends."

It took a special friend to show that a friendship can change. That through change, a friendship can grow and develop to something more and something stronger. 

As I was always the one who moved away, I assumed that it would be me who changed the most. That I would grow away from my former friendships and they will just carry on in the same way as before and not want to change anything. It took my friend to show that this is not the case. That people change and grow for many different reasons. And most of all, my friend showed me that I need my old friendships. I change, and as a TCK I will adapt to the new situation I am in. But it is my old friends that will point out who I really am. How my decisions are based on my past life and why my history affects me.

Changing an old friendship is hard. It is so much easier to leave a friendship how it was then having to apply myself to finding new ways of continuing the friendship. There were awkward silences. There were misunderstandings. There were times where I just didn't have the energy.The friendship isn't as smooth as both of you were used to. 

Sometimes you realise that the friendship can't evolve. But when it does evolve, it is worth the hardship.