Eavesdropping

On the subway after a day at work. I've got the typical glazed look of someone who does not want to be disturbed. The usual chatter of who's done what with whose girl is being discussed eagerly over the phone in the corner while the rest of the subway pretends not to listen.

I hear a an exclamation of "Yok ya!" behind me and I sharpen my ears to try and distinguish the words from the noise. A girl and a boy are talking to each other.

My Turkish was never fully fluent and the years of neglect of the language leaves me poorly qualified to be able to hold a proper conversation. I listen hungrily as the words flow over me, understanding only partly what they are saying but enjoying it all the same.

They get off at the same station as I do. I "accidentally" end up behind them. The girls gives me a glance and then continues her conversation. And my internal battle begins. My internal battle against my cowardice. My internal battle against the natural instinct of not speaking to strangers. My internal battle against acting normal.  And I lose.

I turn away and walk a different path. I choose not to speak. And it is my choice. I can choose to hide that part of me that doesn't fit in. I can choose to act normal.