Group Dynamics and the Outsider

Having moved 14 times in my 24 years across 4 countries I have some experience of being the "outsider" when it comes to groups. The first time I was in a group from the start was when I started university and it was then I started thinking more about this group dynamics thing. It was also then I started wondering about how groups form and why they continue. I have also been thinking about how, as an outsider, it is possible to join a group. From my own experience I have rarely been successful in this escapade, although when I have succeeded it has always felt like a great accomplishment.

Groups are formed for many reasons. It can be of similar interest, experiences or a common goal that brings the people together, although it doesn't have to be only one of these things. When I think of groups I usually split them into two main sets, natural groups and synthetic groups. The reason I do this distinction is that there are different ways to approach these types of groups when coming as an outsider.

Natural Group

Natural groups are very diversified. They are usually formed because they often meet at the same place and do the same things, such as going in the same class, having the same interest which they spend a lot of time with or of convenience. Depending on the group size there can be pairs or  smaller groups within that are rarely seen separated. These groups are mainly social and are more laid back. As an outsider it gives a feeling of comfort, belonging/acceptance being part of this type of group. Having a similar interest is, of course, a central part to being included in the group but it is far from being the crucial ingredient for belonging. My experience has lead me to always try an identify the source that ties the group together. If the group has been a singular unit for a long period of time e.g. lived in the same neighbourhood since childhood, or started of as a synthetic group, it is a difficult group to enter and I have never succeeded with this. It is not because the group is unwilling to let new people in, the reason lies in the fact that they are not aware of what they do and say that excludes others and can therefore not be observant of this.

The easiest way to get included in a group is to be introduced by a group member. I'm not talking about a formal entry here. Just that when the group meets you are invited to hang out, or you are naturally there already when the group is there. It lowers the barrier that unconsciously forms towards strangers. A feeling of "Well, she knows X, so she can't be that different as we also know X" is thought and eases the awkwardness of having the barrier broken.

The next step is much more subtle and is not something that can be controlled. It is to incorporate the idea that the outsider should also be part of activities. Once again, it doesn't have to be so advanced, just that when plans are being made, that someone in the group says "Hey, how about seeing if Natalie wants to join in?" This is only possible if the idea of the outsider and the group can be thought of at the same time. This  can take a long time as it requires a breaking of a habit of not including people outside the group. It is easier if the outsider is naturally with the group at these times as then your presence stimulates the idea. Other ways include getting to know group members one-on-one as it is easier to spend time with one person then in the already set group time. This means that several people in the group has an incentive to remember the outsider.

The final step includes active participation in the group. All groups have a set of rules/norms which everyone unconsciously follow. It can be that you are always present at a certain gathering or that you inform the group of certain things. An outsider is not always aware of the rules that seem self-evident to the other in the group. This step requires an understanding from both sides. The group members need to be forgiving and able to offer guidance to the outsider; the outsider needs to be aware and willing to follow the norms for it to work.

Synthetic Group

Synthetic groups are usual in work or project situations. The group is often predefined with a set number of members and the focus lies on fulfilling a common goal. The group will usually have clear times when they meet and what they do when they meet. It is rare that an outsider is included in such a group but there are situations when this happens, such as when a project requires a certain expertise that it was not aware of that it required from the start, or when their is a new kid in the class which needs to join one of the school groups. The group rarely has any more say in the matter of an outsider joining other than it is required. As an outsider in this scenario no more is required from you than you pull your weight and make it clear that you also have the same goal.

A synthetic group can become a more socially natural group, depending on the members and how the group continues. But it is not a rule and is something that has cause hurt to the outsider if the outsider has only the synthetic group as it's social activity. It pays to be aware of what type of group it is and also what motivation the members have in keeping the group together. If many of the members do not feel naturally drawn to the group, there is little reason to believe that the group will continue was the goal has been fulfilled. A common goal, or a common history is not enough to keep a group together. The groups needs to fulfill everyone's need in some other way.